Melbourne at 40

My joy has become a reflection of my son 

With him not around, I do not enjoy the amusements 

I glance at the aquarium and think what’s the point in seeing caged animals without a young mind to see it for the first time 

My days of pub are over and I can clearly see who is young and am pretty sure they do not see me!

Am not complaining, I see the them in a very different way. No desire, maybe a little envy

Getting old maybe hard in many ways, I need to think twice on whether to go on a ride or not, and mostly abstain

Late night drinks are definitely out of the menu

Thought about going to a gentleman’s club to re-remember wild days, decided to abstain for a later day. That will be more fun! 

I walked past the river, sat in a bench and glazed the sky for a while. Was a little disappointed with the colour it adorn, yet led me to a place of happiness. The sea gulls flying over, ducks gathering with their family, sun setting ever so slowly, and the blanket of night pulling over the cold sky. Wild days maybe over, resilient health maybe past, but peace and joy is always around us in the very non-enchanting moments in the lap of an uneventful nature. 

That’s being mel-born at 40… 😄

Dad's words of wisdom

The below passage is an unedited copy of a scribble of Dad, picture attached towards the end -

Meditate and bless the Earth with loving kindness simultaneously through the heart and crown chakras

After activating the crown chakra, simultaneously concentrate and be aware of the crown and heart chakras, and bless the earth with loving kindness for a few minutes. This will align both chakras, thereby making the blessing much more potent. Imagine the small earth in front of you. Visualize a golden light from your hands down to the earth filling the whole the whole earth with light and love; you may use this blessing. From the center of the heart of God. Let the entire earth, every person, every being be blessed with divine love and kindness. 

Feel the divine love and kindness and share these with the whole earth, every person and every being. 

    Let the entire earth, every person and every being be blessed, with divine sweetness, divine joy, with        warmness, caringness and tenderness. 

Feel the sweet, loving feeling and share it with the whole earth.

    From the center of the heart of God, let the entire earth, every person and every being be bless with        the     inner healing, inner beauty, divine bliss and divine oneness. 

Feel the divine bliss and divine oneness and share these with every person and every being

Achieving illumination by meditation on the light, on the manthra OM or Amen, and on the interval between the two OMs or Amens. Put your hands down, gently imagine a brilliant while light or golden light on the crown. Look at gently and lovingly. Feel the quality of the energy emitted by the light. Feel the inner peace, stillness and bliss. 

Gently and silently chant the manthra OM or Amen. "Oooooommmmm .... oooooommmmmm ....oooooommmmm .. "

What is the purpose of OM? To select the higher channel, there by increasing the rate of vibration and shifting the consciousness to a higher level. 

Meditate simultaneously on the light and the mantra. Then meditate on the interval between OMs. Meditate on the interval between two OMs and simultaneously be  aware be aware of the light, the stillness and the bliss. Continue meditating for about 10 minutes, relax and let go. 

Do not be frightened if you experience and inner explosion of light in the head. When you are able to be aware simultaneously of the point of the light and the interval between the two OMs, you will experience this. Your entire being will be filled with light. You will have the first glimpses of illumination and first experience of divine ecstasy. The experience of Buddha consciousness or illumination to experience and understand when Lord Jesus meant when he said "when thine eye is single, the whole body also shall be full of light... for behold the kingdom of heaven is within you" (Luke 17-21)

If you feel you are being pulled out of the body or you are moving inside a tunnel, just allow the experience to unfold by itself until you experience oneness with the light. Should you experience pervasive darkness or the great void, the is good. This is simply a transition between ordinary consciousness and the expansion of consciousness. Just relax and be calm. Invoke for the blessing of the supreme God and spiritual teacher to bring your to higher level consciousness. 

- Dr P U Asokan

 

An Ode to Music

I am not myself unless am lost
Lost in thoughts
Lost in dreams 
Lost in someones arms
Lost in sadness

 

Many fear being lost
I fear the feeling of not being lost
Music takes to places planes cannot
The feeling of being touched deep inside your heart

 

Yearning to be lost again
Lost in colors
Lost in grey
Lost in things that do not return 
Lost in things that will never happen

 

Yearning to be lost in your hypnotising Notes
Brushing softly against my ears, quencing my wavering thirst.
To be Lost in your dance that momentarily lasts an eternity,
Notes make life shine and living an eternally worthy maya

Breaking the circle

Life begins feeling your first love 

Warmth of her hold

Crying for her milk 

All you ever want is to consume that love 

Until you feel that rough beard scratching on your bald head

The one who finds time to do silly things 

Teach you to be brave cautiously 

Find friends who love to play with you 

Hear your madness 

Share stories, sing songs, 

Help you get past those subjects,

Friends who love you but never say so 

Meeting that first pretty person

Who fills your thoughts in ways you never imagined 

Looks at you, listens to you, touches you ever so carefully and carelessly 

Cycle of heartbreaks and healing

Coming to full circle with you holding that little finger 

The rough nights and precious moments that seal the unconditional bond of happiness 

As humans we can be deprived of some of these or even all of it, 

But heart knows love is it’s very nature and it doesn’t need a compass 

From earth to trees

From bees to whales

From rich to poor

From believers to atheists 

From friends to strangers 

Do not age without knowing 

True love is beyond natures biological needs 

For when you rest 

You can rest knowing 

You have touched God

Travel lite policy

Today on March 2 2022, I decided to travel in KSRTC bus for the first time since COVID! This blog is a random recording of the memories that flashed before me as I reached the bus stand in an auto. 

1. My bag is heavier! During my days in UK during 2008, I had a “Travel lite policy”, the policy was simple - If its cold, all you need to travel over a weekend is 2 pairs of underwear and a coat with 3 pockets. The inside pocket is for used underwear’s (obviously). But in 2022, I am older and wiser, the policy has had some drastic revisions - now I carry paracetamol, pain balm, cholesterol tablets additionally! 
2. There was another policy “No pre-booking hotels”. This was a rather simpler one since I or my mates never decide how long or where to stay for a trip back then. But at one point we stretched out imagination a bit and decided not to book a place at all in New Castle since the girls were supposed to be wild out there and wishfully thought why book a room! That was a utter failure and nearly froze to death at 3 am after pub hoping!

That’s all about old memories for this blog! 

Reached the bus stand around 10 pm, clearly things are not back to normal.

There is less crowd at stand and even lesser mosquitoes. They must be missing the human blood “chakara”! I miss the pleasure of killing at least 100 mosquitoes before boarding, I guess smartphones are there to keep travellers busy these days. But there was a time before when travelling was fun and an authentic experience. 

Around 2002, during my shuttle journey between Trivandrum and Thrissur, every trip was a story. People used to talk to each other then! The adrenaline rush before jumping onto a running train to get a seat. Dangerous, yet back then missing a sound sleep meant more than missing a leg. Once we got the seat, it takes about 5 mins before the train leaves the station, there is an uneasy yet friendly stare between the passengers. Some mingle, few are busy spreading newspapers to sleep on floor. But all this drama finishes once the train starts moving and in the next few minutes our true colours come out, it is like a sketch of our characters. 

The guys near the windows take a smoke and talk. The guys with construction toolkit open a chewable tobacco pack, bashing it on palms and opening his mouth wide enough to swallow the world just to put it in and make sure no dust is freely shared to fellow passengers. The slightly older and creeper folks check out the old lady sitting on the floor. And finally me gets passive intoxicated with the raw smell of the rustic good old general compartment and slips off to yet another peaceful sleep.. Good night! 

Sound of an escapist

Start!

I am 37 going on 38, 

Life is getting murky,

Selling my first house, 

Should I be responsible, Or enjoy the money,

God knows what happens tomorrow 

I am 4 going on 5,

Dad you need to start thinking,

Poetry is nice,

But don’t fuck up my life,

You are responsible for me! 🙇🏻

I am 34 going on 35,

I know you want to chill,

You can have beer and burger 

And maybe a few weed

But don’t be a criminal. 😠👩🏻

I am 37 going on 38,

La la la la la la 

Mmm mmm mm mm mmm 

Blah blah blah blah blah blah! 😈

Ennum Swandam Moideen

Every few months I remember a friend whom I lost touch, with whom I have spent days so fully yet without knowing that they will be just a memory in some time.

I would never forget the first time I met Moideen. Back in 2006 when I went to London for the first time alone. It was a dark and cold winter. Nobody told me that as we move away from the equator, the days become shorter! The company folks although, did teach me how to eat in front of clients and how to use toilet paper. For a month after I landed in London, every day after work I would go to my room, look at the same bottle of Vodka that was supposed to keep me warm but never did. I would go out to the streets after work, but it was too cold to stay long. One day, I went to the nearby takeaway place and was trying to decide what to eat from the backlit menu hung on top. Suddenly I heard Malayalam after 3 long weeks of exclusive British English, it echoed: "Malayalee annale?! (You are a Malayalee, right?)”. It was the guy behind the cash counter, the one, and only Moideen! I asked back curiously - "Engane manasilayi? (How did you know?". He replied with a smile - "Menu kandu pakachu noki nikumbo manasilayi. (I understood from the bewildered look on your face on seeing the menu)". He knew I was attempting to convert the rates in Pound to INR. That was the beginning of a true friendship that lasted for a few good long months.

Moideen's life stories were like those from the movies. Moideen did not show any interest in studies. At a young age, he had fled to Hyderabad while still a teenager. He started working at a restaurant and soon learned some cooking skills. I remember how quickly he would cook, and it would still be mouthwatering! While having food at his UK takeaway place, he would always encourage me to talk to a Pakistani girl who came to use the public phone near his takeaway place. She was very pretty and oddly dressed in a colorful Pakistani dress in central London. Sadly, I would walk up to her but never had the courage to talk to her. Moideen however, never gave up on the hope to find a girlfriend for me while his stories continued. He told me how he got a chance to work at a rich Arab palace in the middle east. Stories of unlimited luxury, I would drool just listening to it. Tales of unlimited drinks and food that were thrown away at the end of every day. The final story was how he came to the UK with the Sheik and never went back! He absconded and started a new life in the UK, after he burnt his old passport, and acquired a new identity! Moideen was like the Jason Bourne of Master Chef.

On a usual day, I would eat anything from his takeaway place and the standard rate was 2 pounds regardless of what I ate. Life was always kind to my tummy. Moideen then got a job at a high-end Indian restaurant far from London and slowly we drifted apart. One last time I saw him was when he invited me to his new workplace. It was a long way by bus, my memories of the travel are faint. But once I reached there it was like being in Gusto's restaurant. I waited in the kitchen, all shiny steel with parallel counters where Moideen & his mates did their magic. Once the day came to an end, we went back to his room and he brought chicken tikka, bread, and red wine and we talked for the last time face to face. Moideen was the second in line to the main chef then. I do hope he has climbed to the top. I bet he has.

Once I got back to India, I got disconnected from my UK life and friends as I was busy making my life back in Trivandrum. Unfortunately, it was too late when I realized I did not know how to contact Moideen. Since then I have looked him up on Facebook but in vain. I still do, occasionally. Although, now I am not sure if I would recognize a 15-year-older-him.

So, to a good friend and an important part of my life. Cheers!